


What the hell is Christmas, and why are you kissing me?

by BloodiedDomain



Category: Homestuck
Genre: And Caden just want's to show them what Christmas is about, Berzoe is non-binary, Flush Crush, Ireney annoys the living crap out of them, Nerd herd!!!, Oscuro help's her, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Trolls being goof-balls, Zoe also just needs a hug, teen and up because of curssing and Zoe's bad mood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 12:51:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5457140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodiedDomain/pseuds/BloodiedDomain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have no idea what would be a good summary for this other than Zoe just wanted to hang out with their flush crush and not have to deal with anyone being an idiot, Caden wanted to show them what Christmas was about, Ireney and Oscuro wanted to see Zoe finally confess their crush, and I felt like I needed to explain who they are, what the nerd herd is, and that this is what happens when I want to write, but have no idea what about or why... Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	What the hell is Christmas, and why are you kissing me?

==> Be the depressing asshole who's wanting to kill a sweater

As much as that last part is true, you'r not a depressing asshole.

...Ok, maybe you're depressing, but you're not an asshole. Least, you hope not... Whatever.

Anyways, Your name is Berzoe Figura and you're wanting to shred the shity sweater you were forced into wearing by a... Friend? Enemy? Frenemy?... Gog, you hope that's not what Caden is to you, but you hate him for making you wear this ridiculous sweater. 

It's itchy, thick, and not your grey hoodie you love to wear. It's also a little tight on you, showing your strange not quite feminine not quite masculine body off to the world. He's going to be the death of you.

Least he decided to wear one as well.

"Caden, do I really have to wear this damned thing?"

"Yes, now stop complaining and enjoy the fact that you're warm for once."

"But I'm not!!! I'm going to die of heat stroke in this thing!!!"

He looks at you as if he couldn't care less... witch knowing him, isn't true no matter what he say's. He may be empathetic, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care.

"...Fine, I'll stop complaining... just don't say I didn't tell you it would happen when I keel over dead."

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you."

You glare at him and put in you're earphones, slightly turning up the volume. The song you're greeted with is a favorite of your's, Take your mama out all night by the Scissor Sisters... What? It's a good song! 

You walk over and sit down on a large seating platform. About a second after you get comfortable, he sits next to you and presses play on his ipod. the speakers on his meow beast headphones blaring music loudly. Argh, you hate it when he does that, so you turn up the music to drown his out. 

About a hour later, long after you've zoned out to focus on you're sketch pad, something gets pulled out of your ear and startles the fuck out of you.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF IRENEY'S FAKE ASS MESSIAHS ARE YOU DOING YOU FUCKING PAN FRIED ASSMUNCHER?"

"The fuck are you listening to?"

SHIT!

You pull your earphone away from him, hoping you were quick enough to keep him from hearing the song.

"Dude... Was that Amy Winehouse?"

You glare daggers at him and shove the damn thing back in your ear, hoping he'll leave it be.

Yeah, you wish.

He pulls it back out of your ear and before you can say anything, sticks it in his.

"...You're listening to rehab... What. The. Fuck."

"Fuck you! It's a fucking good song!"

"Wow, I think this is the most I've ever heard you swear, Zoe."

You both jump and look behind the platform to the High-blood leaning against the back. You jump again and almost fall off from how close she was to you. Fuck her for being so silent! Ireney might not be the most subtle of trolls, but there is a reason why some of the people here have started telling her to wear a bell. 

"Yeah well, that may have been the first sentence I've ever heard come out of your face-gash that didn't sound like you ate sopor."

"Fuck you too, Zoey bird, I can talk normal when and if I want."

"When and if? Ha! I think it's more when you find yourself faced with a sentence that you can't mess up with your normal way of speaking."

"You two gonna stop flirting now?"

"Yeah Zoe, you gonna stop yer flirtin'?"

Both looked at you expectantly and you buried your face in your hands. You hated dealing with both of them at the same time. On their own you could handle them, but together? Well, lets just say you're mood sunk like the old human ocean going vessel, the Titanic.

"I hate you both... PLATONICLY!!!!"

Ireney giggled at your embarrassment and Caden just stared at you.

"Hehe, Zoey's gotta crush! Zoey's gotta crush!~"

"What?"

"He just admitted he's looking for a pitch partner in ya."

"I AM NOT!!!"

"Hehe, Oh yeah!, sorry, FLUSHED partner."

You want to kill her, but because she's moirails with Oscuro, who's a lime-blood, so you decide against it. You hate being a yellow-blood, mostly because it means you're on the lower end of the hemospectrum. Now granted you're no brown or rust, but your still low enough that the mid blood could hurt you... Well, if you didn't use your powers of course.

That's another thing you hate, your powers, witch seem to only be good for destruction. You have pyrokinetic abilities that you find annoying as hell. You get annoyed with a drawing, and accidentally set the whole sketch book ablaze. Hell, there have been times where you had to run away from people all because you caught them or something that belonged to them on fire (luckily only small flames that are easily put out, but still). 

==> Tell us more about yourself

Well seeming as you already were, why the fuck not?

The first thing anyone should know, and notice, is that you're a Yellow-blood, and not just any yellow blood, but a bright, almost mutant, yellow-blood. What's sad is that they don't even have to cut you or make you blush. You were hatched with already colored in eyes, signalling to everyone how close you are to being a mutant.

The second thing, is that you happened to get stuck in a ambiguously gendered body. Seriously, even when you're stark naked, no one can tell what gender you are. Though truth be told, you don't mind it. You're non-binary anyway so why care about having a Body with no obvious gender? 

The third thing, and a bit of an important thing, is that you love art in all it's forms. Music, paintings, drawings, dancing... you love them all. Actually, you can do a few of them. You can draw, not as good as most but you're better than some, you dance, taught by Ireney's "Baby Bro" Eridan, and you can write. 

==> What about your quadrants?

Uhm... Well, they're... not filled.

What can you say? You're anti-social and not very good with dealing with people. The only reason you have friends is because they're just as bad as you... well, in their own ways. 

==> Tell us about those assholes.

Hey!, not all of them are assholes!

Like Oscuro Lucido, the lime-blood you mentioned earlier. She's actually pretty sweet when she's not being a total derp. 

And Ireney's not that bad either when she's in the mood to act her age, as rare as that may be.

And, even though you hate his guts sometimes, you actually really like Caden. As in really really like him... Ok fine, you do have a Flush crush on the human, but what can you do? He's actually really pitiful when he's not acting like an idiot.

Any way's, so yeah... Your friends.

Or rather, the fuckers you happened to get sucked into this fucked up game with.

Well, There's Oscuro Lucido who, like you've mentioned twice, is a lime-blood who shouldn't even exist. She's probably the reason why you haven't tried to hurt Ireney. They're Moirails and you don't necicerally want to deal with either of them being in a rage, especially Ireney.

Speaking of, Ireney Bachra is a high-blood, who until recently when you met her, you had always thought to be a normal purple-blood. Nope. Instead, she's a semi-mutant sea-dweller with Blue-violet colored blood and a hell of a legacy. She's also a non-traditional cultist with sea-dragon face paint and powerful voodoo's.

She's also a pale slut. She finds out you're upset or need comfort, she'll shoosh you so fast with out you realizing what's going on till she's long gone and you're back to normal.

Then there's Caden.... The fucking Human you have a huge Flush crush on but are afraid to admit to it. Like Oscuro, he's also a goof ball. He always has his head phones on his person and usually dresses in pink, witch you think is his favorite color.

There's a few others, but you don't know them well enough to really say what they're like or really anything about them.

==> What's your fucked up group of humans and trolls called?

Uhm, there's also a hybrid in your session.

==> whatever, just tell us what your group of nerds is called!

Well, you kinda just said it... Well one part of it.

Your group of players is called the nerd herd, mostly because you all really are nerds. You all specialize in certain things that you have extensive knowledge about.

For example, you happen to be an art nerd. You know a lot about different types of art, artist, and mediums. Why? Because you just happen to find art interesting.

==> So, getting back to what's currently happening...

Wow, you have no patience.

Any way, you're currently glaring daggers at the high blood because she just mentioned your crush to the one it's on. Fuck her with a rusty Cello bow, specifically, one of her's. 

"Fuck you, Bachra."

She giggles and wiggles her eye brows at you.... Shit, she took that as Black flirting. Meh, oh well, it's not like you two don't do that all the time anyway. 

"Uhm.... What does flush partner mean?"

... Right... No one has really explained the quadrants to him.... You honestly don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Could be both for all you know. 

"Hehe, that's for good ole' Zoey ta tell ya about, seemin' as their the one with the crush."

She winks at you and walks off, probably to look for Oscuro or "Danny" (who ever that is) , who she keeps telling everyone is somehow related to her, though not many of you believe her. You think the only one who does is her Moirail, and even then, you don't think she fully does.

You feel eyes on you suddenly and turn to look at Caden. He's staring at you like he's expecting you to do something. 

"What?"

"Well, you going to tell me what a flush... whatever the fuck is?"

You groan and rub your eyes in annoyance. 

"Go ask Bachra or Lucido, I'm too tiered to talk about it right now, ok? Actually, don't ask that damned High-Blood, she might just explain it in some off-handed way or explain it in such a complex way, it'll take troll Einstein to describer what she means." 

You sigh and look over at him. GOG, do you have it bad for him. If only you weren't such a fucked up coward to tell him... Well, you suppose now you won't have to if he ever learns about the quadrants... And that's a big if.

You're suddenly pulled out of your inner thoughts by Caden suddenly looking at something either behind you or over your head and smiling. 

"Uhm... So, Berzoe? I know I put you through a lot today, including making you wear that sweater... But can I subject you to one more thing?"

He's looking at you expectantly, like he's waiting (and knows you will, the fucking prick) for you to say yes... Fuck, he probably does know you'll say yes... Eh, Fuck it, what's one more thing? He's already forced you to help him put up the fake as fuck "Christmas tree" as well as make you watch hours wrigglers movies that, honestly, made you want to burn everything in sight. 

Hell, he even made you drink something called "eggnogg"... You vow not to ever drink it again. 

"Sure, why the fuck no-"

You're interrupted by his lips meeting yours in what may have been the shortest kiss to have ever graced existence. That being said though, it might have been short, but it felt like forever till he pulled away from you.

"Wha-... What... What was that for?"

"Look up."

You do and see a small plant hanging over you on a string tied to a stick that is being held by Oscuro. You quickly notice Ireney's standing behind her cackling and snickering like she finally lost what was left of her think-pan.

"It's called Mistletoe, and a tradition on earth was to have someone kiss you, or another person, under-"

You cut him off by launching yourself at Ireney and chasing both her and Oscuro out of the room. They both run down the hall laughing and (least for Bachra) snorting while you return to the couch you were previously sitting on. It's then that you decide 'Why the fuck not?' and lean over to kiss him. 

"I'm done with this stupid shit. If you need me, I'll be in my fucking block, or room, or what ever the fuck you humans call it. I'm done for today."

And with that, you stomp off to your block with the brightest blush you have ever had... Minus that one time with a blue blood, who had a freaky obsession with hoof-beasts, but that's a story for another time.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read my other fic, Baby girl, tiny girl, swimming girl, I told you guy's I'd write this.
> 
> Again, sorry if you wanted to have my other Christmas(y) fic, that was going to have Sollux and Ireney in it, but I recently had to get a new phone and that one was based off an rp that was through text messages on my old one... So in other words, I lost the rp... BUT, I will still write it and plan to have it out before new year's eve (if I can write it within that allotted timeline) . Also, it might be apart of a series, but I make no promises. 
> 
> Anyways, Happy holidays from The high desert, Comments and such are very much welcomed, and I hope you enjoyed this.


End file.
